What this was all about

I have started, and restarted this post a dozen times. July 25th was a day that it so absolutely hard to put into words, or onto paper computer. How do I describe seeing pure joy in the eyes of two men who had so desperately wanted a family for so long, and now finally had that in their hands, literally?

I could write about all the mundane stuff I have talked about in some previous posts, like how I had breakfast and barely kept that down. Or how I actually felt like I slept for the first time in ages. But that's not what you want to hear read about.

I spent most of the day in my room with 'Baby Boy Loucks' as his ID bracelet (or anklet, rather) still said. The nurse brought him in shortly after I woke up at my request. I'd had enough time without him. 'Baby Girl Loucks' was still in the NICU.

Peyton, my son, came to visit me and meet the babies in the early afternoon. I will talk more about that experience later, as I can't focus on that right now if I'm actually going to get this post out this time around.

E & S had boarded a plane sometime while I was sleeping and would arrive in Seattle around 3pm. They were expecting to arrive at the hospital around 6pm to meet their children.

Whoa. What a concept that is. To MEET THEIR CHILDREN. This was definitely what all of this was about.

At 6pm I was staring at the clock. I have a picture my mom took of the clock in my room of us waiting, and then a picture of the clock when her phone rang. My sister answered the phone, and in fact they were at the hospital.

Holy shit. (Pardon my language.) This was REALLY happening. I don't think I had prepared enough for this moment. There was no way I really could. She ran downstairs to meet them and bring them up to the room.

She said that when she got downstairs and outside they were just pulling up and E jumped out of the car without putting it in park! They were excited, to say the least. That word really doesn't do it justice.

I'm starting to tear up as I'm typing this. At about 6:17pm, if memory serves, E & S met their son for the first time. I was laying in my hospital bed, cuddling him, as they walked in the door. Wow, here comes the waterfall. Now and then, really.

The look on their faces is literally not possible to describe. There is no way I could do it even if I tried my hardest. Even if I looked up every word in the dictionary that related to pure joy, happiness, gratefulness, etc. And added them all together.

They just stared. At me, at him, back at me. Gratefulness was a good word to describe the look I saw in their eyes, although like I said it wouldn't really be an accurate description. They were crying, holding each other, staring at their son. The son they had waited 9 months to meet. Well, a lot longer than 9 months because this was something they had been wanting for years. My mom captured these moments on the camera, and there is one picture that I so wish I could share that would be absolutely enough explanation for you. You could see for yourself just how overjoyed these two men were. Their family was finally complete.

I think I heard them say "thank you" a few dozen times in the first few minutes of arriving. And they hadn't even met their daughter yet.

Shortly after their arrival the NICU nurse wheeled in baby girl and emotions started all over again. They stared at me, stared at her, stared at their son, and back at me. The nurses had all known what was going on, that I wasn't the mom of these beautiful babies, and had anxiously been waiting for E & S to arrive just as I had. I don't think that there was a dry eye in the room.

This moment in time is one I will surely never forget. I have many pictures to look at to remind me, and the memories flash through my head constantly.

Everything I had worked for this past year, all of the pain, all of the struggles I'd had with the pregnancy, they didn't matter. What mattered was this family that I had helped to create. Not many women get to say that they helped create a family for someone else. And not another woman in the world can have such a connection to THIS family.