Hulu, Netflix and Pinterest!

Those of you who have never had to be on bed rest may think the idea sounds nice and relaxing. That's what I thought for oh, the first couple days. I got to sleep all day and I had a doctor's orders to do so! No one could call me lazy for that.

After awhile I was going absolutely crazy. I signed up for Hulu+ and started watching all the TV shows I had gotten behind on because of my crazy work schedule. I already had Netflix (thanks to my sister) and had pretty much exhausted all of the shows and movies I wanted to watch on there. I even got a Pinterest account, which kept me busy for awhile when I was bored of TV.

My next appointment at ORM was on January 19th. I was instructed to stay on bed rest because the SCH was still present, and I was still in a lot of pain when I tried to do anything. That meant more Hulu, more Netflix and more Pinterest. My pin boards were growing enormously and the amount of TV I had watched in that week of bedrest was unheard of. But what else could a girl do? Reading was always an option but I couldn't concentrate enough on anything long enough to really get into a book. So I fried my brain some more.

Being on bed rest meant that I couldn't really take care of Peyton, my 4-year-old. This, by far, was the hardest thing I was going through. Lorre (his normal babysitter, my friend's mom) was absolutely amazing during the week and kept him overnight so he could still go to preschool and I didn't have to worry about taking care of him. On the weekends, my mom or sister would either take him or come up to my house to help. I felt like a failure as a mother because I was sick in bed and couldn't play with him like he wanted to. He's 4 so he doesn't understand what 'bed rest' is or what a subchorionic hematoma is for that matter. All he knew was that mommy was sick and had to stay in bed. I was seeing him maybe 2 days out of the week, and that is not enough.

All I wanted was to feel better, be back at work and out of bed, and be able to spend time with my son like a normal person. I had another ultrasound scheduled for the following Thursday which would determine if I could do that. I was certain my brain would turn to mush by that point.

Not so normal after all

After being on bed rest the entire weekend, and all day that Monday, Dr. Bankowski said I could go back to work (even though they hadn't technically seen me yet.) I hadn't had any more bleeding, just a few episodes of spotting here and there.

January was supposed to be off limits for me to be gone from work. Literally, in my contract we specified a "black out period" where I couldn't miss any time from work, and all my appointments were to be scheduled during my breaks or lunches. Thankfully ORM was just up the road from my branch. Already though, I had missed 3 days of work and January was a hectic time. I had a LOT of catching up to do and absolutely no energy to do it.

The morning sickness was starting to get to me, and I finally asked Carrie if Dr. Bankowski could prescribe anything. Zofran was his answer! Hopefully it would do the trick and I could be back up and running full speed like I needed to be.

I had another appointment scheduled for 11:30 on Thursday morning for an ultrasound to check growth, etc. I went during my lunch break and finally got an answer to why I had been bleeding so much: Subchorionic hematoma. Commonly referred to as an SCH.

What the heck is that? That's what I wanted to know. I could clearly see what he meant by just looking at the ultrasound, but what did it mean for the pregnancy? For the twins?

A lot of doctors will refer to it as a blood clot, which is a lot easier to understand. In early pregnancy, from what I read, it can cause absolutely no damage to the pregnancy as long as it is controlled (AKA doesn't get any larger).

The way it was described to me at ORM was pretty similar to what I read online after leaving the office. As long as it didn't increase in size, the pregnancy should continue on normally. The issue, Dr. Bankowski said, is if it were to increase in size and continue on into the 2nd trimester of pregnancy. If that were to happen, there was potential for it to cause a tearing between the placenta and its attachment site (through the umbilical cord) to the baby. This could cause termination of one or both of the embryos in the pregnancy.

At this point, I hadn't been experiencing any pain, and the bleeding had subsided. That was good news. He recommended that I lighten my work load (HA! I thought. Did he not know how stressful my job was? Especially in January?) and work only 4 hours a day. That ought to be interesting. This whole "black out" period was really working out well.

All I could think about when I left ORM and headed back to work was "it could terminate the pregnancy." It was like a song stuck on repeat in my head. I was relieved to have a reason why I'd been bleeding, but at the same time it was the scariest thing I'd heard so far. There were two little babies growing inside of me. Two strong heartbeats. I couldn't stand the thought of one of them going away. Or both of them. E & S had been so thrilled to learn that it was twins, and my last appointment showed no sign of a blood clot. Now here it was threatening the chance of E & S being parents.

Once I was back at work I couldn't focus. I knew I had to "get my head in the game" and not think about what I had just been told, after all I was still trying to play catch up from the 3 missed days of work I'd already had that month. I called my boss to tell him that I was going to have to shorten my work days for a bit, which I knew wouldn't go over well. The branch was barely functioning as it was and I was there 10 hours a day. Cutting down to 4 hours was going to be a struggle. I didn't know how long the shortened work days would last, only that it was a must. I had to stay healthy and had two little babies to keep healthy, too. They would have to find a way to keep things running with me only there part time.

About an hour after being back at work I started to cramp. Painful, make me keel over cramps. I couldn't stand and it hurt so bad that I burst into tears. This couldn't be good. After all, Dr. Bankowski said it was a GREAT sign that I wasn't in pain and the bleeding had stopped. That was only an hour ago. Now here I was feeling like I was being stabbed to death.

Once I could function enough to use the phone, I immediately called Carrie. About 3 times. I knew she had other patients that day to see, but I needed to talk to someone. Once she called me back and I explained what happened she said "Go home, right now. Stay on bed rest through the weekend and call me on Monday." This sounded all too familiar. More bed rest. I was to call her if the pain got worse or if I started bleeding again.

Home I went. That was January 12th.

The next day, I still hadn't bled anymore but the pain was still there and anytime I got up to get food or use the bathroom (now becoming more frequent), I got dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out. Even a couple minutes of activity would do that. ORM's response was "decrease your activity." Not sure how that was possible as I was already on strict bed rest. But I'd do my best. I had another ultrasound scheduled for that following Thursday and we would go from there.

So this is "normal" you say?

It'd been 3 days since my ultrasound confirming twins. Morning sickness had already started to make itself known. I had forgotten just how much I hate throwing up. Aside from the morning sickness, I was having to get used to being extra tired. The 1st trimester seems to do that. It wasn't like my body was doing all sorts of extra work or anything to keep two additional beings alive or anything.

My boss was having a get together at his house for all of the Store (Branch) managers in the district that night. Even as tired as I was from the extra pressure from January at work, I knew I had to be there. Plus, it'd be a nice little escape to laugh and enjoy other people's company.

Not too long after arriving though, I knew something was wrong. I felt cramps again and what I thought was more blood. I excused myself to the restroom, trying not to look like I was panicking, and sure enough I was bleeding. A LOT of blood, again. This couldn't be NORMAL. There was no way.

I didn't want to worry too much, because after all just three days ago Dr. Hesla said that it was normal. I thought maybe it would be just that episode of bleeding and it'd be done, but after returning to the "party" for not much more than 10 minutes I could tell it was going to be a long night. More blood. I didn't want to alert everyone else in the room what was going on, so I tried to act like I was okay. Thankfully the party was winding down. I left when everyone else did and immediately called ORM.

I spoke to a different doctor, one who I had never worked with before, and she informed me that I should go straight home and be on bed rest through Monday. I was to call Monday to inform of any changes, etc. Why weren't these people more concerned? Didn't they want to see me this time? Or at least soon? I suppose they know more about this stuff, but I couldn't help but worry that they missed something the first ultrasound. I couldn't imagine being on bed rest that night and for 4 more days just waiting for something to happen. I would be going crazy, for sure, and my mind would easily wander back to the hypochondriac thoughts of all that could be wrong.

Twins!

On January 2, I went in for my appointment at 9am. I was beyond nervous. The bleeding from the day before had stopped, thankfully, but I couldn't stop thinking about how much blood there was first thing yesterday morning. There was no way that I was still pregnant, I just knew it. And if I was, something had to be terribly wrong. All the positivity I had earlier yesterday, had gone out the window.

I got to my appointment early, I wanted to know what was going on. NOW. I was still sort of angry that I wasn't asked to come in yesterday. So many things could be going wrong, or could have gone wrong even yesterday. Was I not accurate enough in describing HOW MUCH blood I had lost?

I waited not-so-patiently for the nurse to call me back. I thought maybe I needed to have a full bladder for the ultrasound, so I had been drinking a lot of water that morning. I was ready for this to be over with, so I could start the mourning process and figure out how to tell the two sweetest men in the world that we'd have to try again.

Finally, the nurse called me back to the room and asked if I had an empty bladder. Wait, did she just say EMPTY? No, it was NOT empty. Apparently, though, it needed to be. Thank goodness! I went to the restroom, and then into my room and undressed per her instructions. This early, they do "internal ultrasounds" since the baby(ies) are so small.

After what seemed like forever, as the whole morning seemed to be crawling, the doctor came in to start the ultrasound. But first, he said something that confused me to death. Yesterday, when I had spoken to him on the phone I told him that I was 6 weeks, 4 days pregnant. My LMP (last menstrual period) was Nov. 16th. That made sense, I even checked it online! But he said, "It looks like you're really only 5 weeks, 6 days pregnant." What? I knew what my LMP was, this didn't make sense!

Because of the IVF, they didn't go based on the LMP apparently. They go based on the date of the embryo transfer and some other calculations that to this day, I still don't understand. Whatever, I thought, can we just get the ultrasound started? And so we did.

On came the tears, but not for the reason I thought I'd be crying today. TWINS!!!! Embryo "A" and Embryo "B" as the doctor referred to them. Two STRONG, healthy heartbeats. Then why had I been bleeding? That couldn't be normal. According to Dr. Hesla, the doctor on call that day, it was more normal in early pregnancy because it was twins. I felt SO much better. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I wouldn't have to tell E & S bad news today, but the BEST news they will have had so far this whole time. They were going to have TWINS. Two babies! I still couldn't get over seeing two babies on that ultrasound.

Both babies were measuring exactly 5 weeks and 6 days along, and he could see no cause for the bleeding. It was all "normal." They would do another ultrasound in about a week to confirm that the twins were growing at the right rate, but he was certain there was nothing to be worried about.

I couldn't wait to email E & S. I had the good news I needed, I was ready to leave the office and spread the word!

My email to E & S, once I could finally send it, was pretty long. I had to explain to them why I had gone in for an ultrasound earlier than scheduled. I made sure to emphasize that everything was ok, though, and that they were going to have two babies to play with in about 34 weeks!

Their response made all that anxiety worth it:

"we read your email this morning and we shed our tears, we are so pleased with this good news."


Two babies. Two heartbeats, twin siblings. It was definitely a moment for tears. Joyous ones.

Not so happy New Years

For New Years Eve, I went out with a friend to watch another friend's band play at a bar in Portland. I drank soda water and cranberry all night, looking like I "fit in" with everyone else. I may be pregnant at this point, but it was certainly not obvious!

It was a fun night, but I was exhausted shortly after midnight and we headed home. To sleep I went, hoping to wake to a nice relaxing day. That was not the case.

I woke up after "sleeping in" for a bit, having been up late, and immediately I knew something was wrong. I felt sick, and had what felt like menstrual cramps. It wasn't until I stood up to go to the bathroom that I understand the cramping. My pants were immediately soaked with blood. My heart sank, all the way down to my feet it felt like. I waddled the rest of the way to the bathroom only to have more bleeding. This couldn't be happening. I had taken all of my medication like I was supposed to. I hadn't been running marathons or anything crazy, not like I would do that normally anyway. I had been resting, after all this pregnancy was already starting to remind me of the 1st trimester fatigue.

I had stayed at a friends that night, and barely said goodbye. I think I was able to mutter "I have to go to the doctor." And that was it.

My blood soaked pants and I basically ran to the car as I was dialing the number for ORM. It was a Sunday, were they even open? I thought I remembered something about an after hours number, though. I got the on call receptionist and explained to her what was going on. She said she'd have the on call doctor call me. It wasn't Dr. Bankowksi, but I just needed to talk to someone! Did I need to be going to the ER? Did I need to drive up there to ORM? I just needed direction.

When the doctor called back I explained to him that I was 6 weeks 4 days pregnant (according to the date of my last menstrual period) and had experienced a LOT of bleeding. I was driving, but certain that I was still bleeding. I was completely confused when he told me to go home and be on bed rest for the rest of the day. What do you mean I don't need to come in? Don't I need to be seen like RIGHT NOW? I was BLEEDING!!! Pregnancy and bleeding don't usually mix!

My ultrasound wasn't scheduled until January 5th, but he thought it would be a good idea to have one sooner. Because the 1st was on a Sunday, they were operating the 2nd as if it were a holiday. Just like my work was. He said though, that they could see patients if necessary and would squeeze me in. 9am tomorrow we would find out what was going on. This was going to be the longest day ever. The hypochondriac in me wanted to be seen at the ER. All I could think was, I just lost the baby or babies. E & S are going to be absolutely devastated. How could I explain this to them? Do I need to email them right now and tell them I'm bleeding but won't know why until tomorrow? Or do I wait and let them know after the appointment? This wasn't anywhere in the contract or any "surrogacy manual." Not like a manual for this existed.

I got home and went straight to bed, still freaking out inside and not knowing what to do. After talking to my mom and sister, I decided that I would wait until tomorrow to email E & S. If in fact something were wrong, I'd want to be able to tell them what it was. And, if nothing was wrong, I didn't want them worrying until tomorrow like I already was. Enough for all of us.

The rational side of me kept telling myself that sometimes in early pregnancy your body doesn't know that you're pregnant yet and can still have one last period. I had gotten pregnant a rather scientific way, rather than the normal. Maybe this was my bodys way of saying it was confused! That was what I tried to focus on, as I certainly wasn't able to sleep. Only time would tell what was really going on.

What the heck is hCG?

Having been pregnant before, you'd think I'd know what hCG was or how to measure it, etc. You'd think wrong. When I was pregnant with Peyton, I knew that I was pregnant within seconds by the two lines on the pregnancy test. I knew that I'd be pregnant for 40 weeks, 10 months even though all the time you hear that it lasts 9 months. Those people are wrong.

I knew what a contraction felt like by about 36 weeks into my pregnancy, and 3 days after the 40 week mark (my due date) I knew what it felt like to give birth. If you asked me much more than that, other than what I couldn't eat during pregnancy, I didn't know. I am the type of person that will start turning into a hypochondriac if I am too educated on certain things. I tried to avoid reading all about pregnancy because there is SO much that can go wrong. No matter if you get pregnant via IVF or the "normal" way.

Having said that, now that I actually know what hCG is, I'm still not freaking out and thinking about the millions of things that could go wrong. It is probably the simplest thing to understand.

In short, hCG is a hormone that is elevated during pregnancy. Its what causes the little two lines on the pregnancy test to appear, if your levels are high enough.

When I went in for my blood test on the 19th, my hCG level was about 152. This confirmed the pregnancy.

I had another blood draw on the 21st to re-confirm pregnancy and make sure that my hCG level was rising. (Apparently this is what it's supposed to do throughout the pregnancy. My knowledge was still pretty minimal.)

Carrie called me a couple hours after my blood draw that day to let me know that the results looked great, my hCG level had increased to 407. It had more than doubled in just 2 days! Because my knowledge was bare minimum, like I said, I did some googling to research what that meant. (Not always the best idea, but I was curious!)

Basically, the higher the hCG level the more likely it is that there is more than one baby growing in there. This wasn't 100% accurate, as there have been many times where women still only had one baby and the hCG was the same as someone who was having twins. What they look at the most, though, is how rapidly the level itself increases. Like I said, mine had more than doubled in 2 days! I was hopeful that meant there were still two babies growing in there! Carrie even said there was a "good chance" that it meant there were twins. I hadn't had any bleeding or anything since the transfer, so that was also a good sign. We would do an ultrasound January 5th to check heart rate and the number of babies. I tried not to get too excited by this little number that I really knew nothing about, but E & S wanted twins SO BADLY and I wanted to be able to help give them that. Plus, how cool is it to be able to say that you've carried twins? Double the fun, right? (I may regret saying this later.)

Am I Pregnant?

On December 19, I went in for the long awaited appointment to confirm pregnancy. I ran over to ORM before work (8am) since it was only a few minutes down the road and got a blood draw. I was so used to this by now, I could barely feel the poke of the needle. My arm was like a pin cushion. 

I realized they had to send the blood work to the lab, but I wanted to know NOW! Home pregnancy tests only took 3 minutes and then you knew! I headed back to work and waited for the phone to ring. And waited some more. 

Finally, after what seemed like forever, I decided to just call Carrie at ORM myself. I was sick of waiting! It was already 11am at this point.

She could tell how anxious I was when she answered the phone and said that she was still waiting for some of the blood work to come back from the lab, but... she could at least tell me that it was POSITIVE!! I was pregnant! I immediately started crying, I was so happy for E & S it was indescribable. Carrie said she'd call me back later to discuss more of the blood results, like my estradiol levels, etc.

As soon as we hung up, I called my mom. She'd been waiting almost as impatiently as I had. I told her the good news, then went down the line of calling my sisters to let them know too. This was all SO real now. After all this hard work, all of these injections (which I still had to continue for awhile) and every emotion that went into this, we were finally pregnant! 

I sat down at my computer at work and sent a quick email to E & S. I had sent them one shortly after I got back from the blood draw and told them I was just waiting for a phone call. This email was much more exciting! 

"We're PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

SO EXCITED for you two!!!!"

That's all the email said. I liked to get straight to the point! Their response caused even more tears to roll down my face:

"OH MY GOD ! This day arrive !

we are very very happy , you can imagine, it s an amazing day, night for us, we think about you....

have a great day, for us this night will not be like the other one , we are on the top of the sky and paradise...."

We are on top of the sky and paradise. I read that line over and over, and I was again reassured that this was the right thing. I couldn't see their face, or the tears probably rolling out of their eyes, but their explanation, even in the choppy English translation from French, was perfect. I can only imagine how they will feel when they hold their baby(ies) for the first time. 

One Embryo, Two Embryos

The day was FINALLY here. December 11, 2011. My mom and Penny were going to accompany me for the big event. My mom's husband dropped her off at my house bright and early, and we headed up to Portland. Penny was already in Vancouver, so she would meet us there!

I had to have a full bladder for the procedure, so at 8:15am, an hour before my appointment, I had to stop drinking anything but clear liquid. I got a hot chocolate at Dutch Brothers on the way up there, and brought along some water bottles as well. I was dreading the clock turning 8:15 only because I absolutely hate drinking plain water, and I knew what it was like to have a full bladder and have to hold it in. I nearly peed myself when I was waiting for my 20 week ultrasound with Peyton because of how full my bladder was.

We got to ORM early, as usual, and I checked in. My bladder didn't feel very full at this point, although I had drank a lot of water. So, I kept drinking. And drinking... The wait for them to call me back seemed like an eternity. I took that time to update my Facebook status as "Busy getting pregnant!" Not normally something one would post for her friends to see, but I wasn't doing the actual deed that most people do to get pregnant!

Finally, the nurse called me back to my waiting room where I would take a Valium and get relaxed before they did the embryo transfer. I got to wear some pretty sweet blue booties and a cap. Here's a picture for your amusement:

By the time they took me back for the embryo transfer, I was in serious pain from how full my bladder was. I told the nurse, and she said it was possible I had overfilled it (I agreed!) so she would have Dr. Bankowski check it and I could possibly "release" some before they did the transfer.

I was bummed because my Mom and Penny had to wait in my "room" while I went in for the procedure, but I was assured I'd be back soon!

Dr. Bankowski confirmed that indeed I had overfilled my bladder. Trust me, I was feeling it! So I was able to go to the bathroom, but only a dixie cup size amount. They even gave me a dixie cup to fill so I could measure.

Once that was over with, I was back on what felt like an operating table. The most amazing part of this all was not how quickly the procedure went, but being able to see the two embryos before they were implanted. Science is so awesome!

The procedure went rather quickly, and Dr. Bankowski said it went great! I had to lie still for a certain period of time before I could get up and leave. Or before I could release the rest of the water in my bladder which by this point, even with the dixie cup amount I got to go, seemed like it was going to explode.

After waiting forever, I went to the restroom and then was given instructions from the Dr and taken down to my car via wheelchair. Bed rest for the rest of the day and all day tomorrow. I was to get up ONLY to use the restroom, and nothing more. My mom was staying with me today and tomorrow to help with meals, etc.

On the way home, E & S called me on Skype! Both of them were crying and so extremely excited that this step in the process was finally done! They said I looked great, but I remember being VERY loopy. It was the Valium finally taking full effect. We didn't talk long, but they told me they were thinking of me and to rest up.

We would have a blood test to confirm pregnancy in just over a week on the 19th. That would really make all of this real.

When we were finally home, I slept for quite some time. The Valium was definitely working its magic. Once I finally had to get up to use the bathroom, I was beyond nervous that I would move too quickly or do something that would ruin the embryo transfer. I didn't want them to just fall out! I mastered the "rolling out of bed" trick and tried just to sleep as much as possible. Mom was great making me dinner and bringing me anything and everything I needed. My new Kindle Fire to read on, the TV remote, food, water, more food.

I was so anxious for it to be December 19th so we could know for sure that I was pregnant, and then for the ultrasound to confirm if it was still twins. This was going to be the longest week yet.

Cold Feet

I haven't admitted this until now, only to my mommy group. But on December 6, 5 days before my scheduled embryo transfer I had what I will now call "cold feet."

Up until this point, I had been concentrating so much on taking the medication on time, making sure that I was physically healthy and ready to be pregnant. All I could talk about was getting pregnant, ask anyone who was around me. I was excited and couldn't wait to finally be pregnant and give E & S everything they wanted. Yes, I was worried a little about the what if's after the embryo transfer, but all in all I was simply excited.

Until that night. All I could think about was the one thing I guess subconsciously I was avoiding talking about. What was going to happen after the baby(ies) were born?

I had talked about this with E & S multiple times, and with Sandy at NWSC. But only sort of. We talked about how we would definitely keep in touch after the babies were born, how they would come to Portland and visit because it was a special place for them and they wanted to be able to share that with their children. We even talked about how I can come visit in Paris! (The best idea yet.) I will always have a part in their lives. I will have helped create their family, even if I weren't genetically part of the babies.

We never talked about the immediately after giving birth part. The part where I would be handing over one, maybe two babies to someone else and saying "see you later." It wouldn't be goodbye, but it wasn't like I would be able to see them whenever I want. Paris is a LONG ways away.

For some reason, this was the part that I couldn't keep my mind off of that night. I cried so much worrying about if I were making the right decision, if I could REALLY handle all of this. Even though I'd been saying for months it would be no big deal, it was a HUGE deal. I let all of the comments from others affect me. My dad saying not to do it, the failed relationship I'd had because of all this, everything that was trying to stop me from going through with it all. What if they turned out to be right?

After crying myself to sleep that night, I realized that it was nothing more than a normal reaction to all that was going on. Because I hadn't let myself even fathom that part of this it had all built up and hit me at once. This was and IS a very real thing. But I had made up my mind and I knew that this was what I wanted to do. I wasn't going to lie to myself and say that it was going to be easy, because I knew that it wouldn't be. But it was a decision I believed in whole-heartedly. I just needed to emotionally process the big day that was almost here. Women get cold feet before weddings, men too. I apparently get cold feet before getting pregnant.

Change in plans

Everything was going well with my hormone injections, and by this time (December 2011) I was a PRO at giving myself shots. I even sucked it up and gave myself the Delestrogen, which goes in your "upper buttocks" to put it properly. Yes, I have been giving myself injections in the butt! How crazy is all this?

Based on the original calendar, aligned with the calendar for the egg donor, our embryo transfer was tentatively scheduled for the 13th or 14th of December. I would have to be on bed rest the remainder of the day directly after the transfer was complete, and then the following day. I already had fixed the schedule at work to make sure that I could be gone two days without problem, and I was just counting down the days until that week. I couldn't believe that we were SO close to the "big day" as I had been waiting for this for what seemed like forever. July... December, same thing right?

On December 4th, I got the best phone call ever (at this point). Some lady from ORM, who I can't remember her name for the life of me (not my regular POC Carrie), called me around noon that day. When I saw the phone number pop up on my phone, I'm not going to lie I was completely nervous. As you all know, there have been so many things that have pushed this embryo transfer back thus far, I just had a feeling that this was going to be another little thing to cause us to have to wait even longer. It was not one of those things. 

"Hi Samantha, this is (insert name here) from ORM. I just wanted to let you know that it looks like the egg retrieval for the donor (this is where I started panicking) will actually happen two days earlier than planned!" It takes me a second to really comprehend what she just said, but I finally was able to spit out, "So that means the embryo transfer will happen sooner as well?" Her answer was YES!!! Ahh I couldn't contain my excitement. The embryo transfer would happen this Sunday, December 11th! Oh my goodness!

The first thing I did after hanging up the phone was call my mom, who didn't answer. So, as I always do, I tried my sister Sarah next. (Maybe she knew where Mom was, and I could tell her the good news too!) It just so happened that ALL of my sisters, well, most of them, were together and had me on speaker phone. So I shared what I thought was the most exciting news thus far in this whole thing, and got absolutely no excitement in return. None. They were more concerned with the fact that I would be missing Sunday dinner that week, and it was my time to buy groceries. I felt shattered inside. 

Hoping to turn around this horrible feeling I had, I tried my mom again. She finally answered, and her main concern was getting a car to get up here for the transfer. No excitement in her voice either. What was wrong with these people? My FAMILY?! I couldn't call E &S, because... well, it was Paris we were talking about but I needed someone to be as ecstatic as I was. I was getting pregnant in ONE WEEK!!! 

Finally, I got some excitement but it wasn't from my family. My "Mom Group" as I call them to everyone else, AKA a group of moms I met online back when I was pregnant with Peyton and we have kept in touch this whole time and now my best friends. They were certain to be excited for me. And I was right! Thank goodness for them. 

The next day, December 5th, Carrie from ORM called me to confirm I had received the news about the change in dates and also inform me that she needed to send me an updated calendar. I posted about this in my "Mom Group" on Facebook that day:

Tonight I started Progesterone which is a hormone that helps with early pregnancy, according to my little medication list. I feel like that is the definition of all the medication I'm on, but obviously they all must do different things. 

Along with the Progesterone, on Mondays and Fridays I take Delestrogen. I swear the needles on these things are GIGANTIC and scare me every time, but somehow I get through it. It's funny, they say "these medications can be self administered, but it's best to have someone there to help you." Yes, it probably would be BEST if someone were here to help, but I have NO ONE because all of my friends that I trust to help with such things are on opposite schedules of me. So, I give myself an injection in my "upper buttocks" twice a week up til now, and now EVERY DAY. I must say I'm pretty surprised at myself that I have made it through all these shots. The Lupron (which I was taking daily in my stomach, and through an insulin syringe) was a piece of cake. These guys, are a little more tricky. And... not to gross anyone out but the liquid is probably the THICKEST stuff in the world. It takes FOREVER to finish the shot because it just won't go fast at all. A very thick liquid going through a very small needle. 

I go in tomorrow for a blood draw, and then start an antibiotic and some other medication via pill as well. Then Sunday, the BIG day happens at about 9:15am. They will give me a Valium before the transfer, and then I'm on bed rest the rest of the day and for the next 24 hours. So I will miss only Monday from work, and back to myself again afterwards. 

If we're being honest... I'm getting EXTREMELY nervous as time gets closer to the transfer. I worry something will go wrong and I will have a miscarriage, or the transfer won't stick, or all sorts of things! I'm saying lots of prayers hoping that it all works out perfect. 

The truth was, I was nervous beyond belief. Yes, excited because the big day was just around the corner, but now I kept thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I had to tell myself to focus on the positive, and that everything happens for a reason. If the embryo transfer didn't take, they would try again. If I had a miscarriage, we would try again. E & S would have a baby or babies one way or another.