Not so happy New Years

For New Years Eve, I went out with a friend to watch another friend's band play at a bar in Portland. I drank soda water and cranberry all night, looking like I "fit in" with everyone else. I may be pregnant at this point, but it was certainly not obvious!

It was a fun night, but I was exhausted shortly after midnight and we headed home. To sleep I went, hoping to wake to a nice relaxing day. That was not the case.

I woke up after "sleeping in" for a bit, having been up late, and immediately I knew something was wrong. I felt sick, and had what felt like menstrual cramps. It wasn't until I stood up to go to the bathroom that I understand the cramping. My pants were immediately soaked with blood. My heart sank, all the way down to my feet it felt like. I waddled the rest of the way to the bathroom only to have more bleeding. This couldn't be happening. I had taken all of my medication like I was supposed to. I hadn't been running marathons or anything crazy, not like I would do that normally anyway. I had been resting, after all this pregnancy was already starting to remind me of the 1st trimester fatigue.

I had stayed at a friends that night, and barely said goodbye. I think I was able to mutter "I have to go to the doctor." And that was it.

My blood soaked pants and I basically ran to the car as I was dialing the number for ORM. It was a Sunday, were they even open? I thought I remembered something about an after hours number, though. I got the on call receptionist and explained to her what was going on. She said she'd have the on call doctor call me. It wasn't Dr. Bankowksi, but I just needed to talk to someone! Did I need to be going to the ER? Did I need to drive up there to ORM? I just needed direction.

When the doctor called back I explained to him that I was 6 weeks 4 days pregnant (according to the date of my last menstrual period) and had experienced a LOT of bleeding. I was driving, but certain that I was still bleeding. I was completely confused when he told me to go home and be on bed rest for the rest of the day. What do you mean I don't need to come in? Don't I need to be seen like RIGHT NOW? I was BLEEDING!!! Pregnancy and bleeding don't usually mix!

My ultrasound wasn't scheduled until January 5th, but he thought it would be a good idea to have one sooner. Because the 1st was on a Sunday, they were operating the 2nd as if it were a holiday. Just like my work was. He said though, that they could see patients if necessary and would squeeze me in. 9am tomorrow we would find out what was going on. This was going to be the longest day ever. The hypochondriac in me wanted to be seen at the ER. All I could think was, I just lost the baby or babies. E & S are going to be absolutely devastated. How could I explain this to them? Do I need to email them right now and tell them I'm bleeding but won't know why until tomorrow? Or do I wait and let them know after the appointment? This wasn't anywhere in the contract or any "surrogacy manual." Not like a manual for this existed.

I got home and went straight to bed, still freaking out inside and not knowing what to do. After talking to my mom and sister, I decided that I would wait until tomorrow to email E & S. If in fact something were wrong, I'd want to be able to tell them what it was. And, if nothing was wrong, I didn't want them worrying until tomorrow like I already was. Enough for all of us.

The rational side of me kept telling myself that sometimes in early pregnancy your body doesn't know that you're pregnant yet and can still have one last period. I had gotten pregnant a rather scientific way, rather than the normal. Maybe this was my bodys way of saying it was confused! That was what I tried to focus on, as I certainly wasn't able to sleep. Only time would tell what was really going on.