Am I crazy?

April 6, 2011:

Journal entry:

"Guess what I got to schedule today? A psych evaluation! How fun right? I get to prove to all those people who have accused me of being crazy in the past... well, prove them wrong or right I suppose. The Dr. that works with NWSC for these evaluations called me today while I was at work and said she may have some evening appointments available that would work with my schedule, since I can't really take any time off from work during the day to go get my 'craziness' checked out. Especially since not everyone at work knows what I am doing yet. 


She emailed me the two nights coming up that will work for her, and I picked April 19th at 6:30. It seems so far away, but I am asking her to adjust her schedule for me! I guess I can be patient."


Such a crazy (no pun intended) thing to have to be evaluated for. I know it isn't really to check if I am CRAZY, but more to check if I am emotionally stable enough to carry someone's child for 9 months and then give it away. I'm not going to deny, at this point I absolutely KNOW that there will be all sorts of crazy emotions involved in this whole process. Not only will I be PREGNANT which in itself causes emotions to go haywire, but I will form some sort of bond with the baby(ies) as they will be growing inside me for almost a years time.

April 19, 2011:

Journal entry:

"Well, I should know the results in a couple days! (If I'm crazy or not, that is...) The meeting with Britta (the dr.) was pretty short, and then I was left to fill out a psych evaluation test type thing. It was a TON of I strongly agree, strongly disagree, or somewhere in between questions. And by a ton, I mean over 100. 


When I was talking to Britta it was all about why I am choosing to be a surrogate, and what I thought of the couple (E & S) since I have met them already at this stage in the process. (I guess not all of the surrogates have their evaluations after being matched). I explained to her why, again, which I feel like I will end up repeating many, many times throughout this whole thing. 


The questionnaire thing was the weirdest part of it all. She left me at her office by myself, just in the lobby and I had to slide the clipboard under her door when I was through. Here I am in a place I've never been, just sitting in the lobby all alone when everyone else in the building had left. The questions themselves almost made me question if I was crazy, no joke. One of them stood out "I often hear voices." Do I strongly agree or disagree with this statement. Um, obviously disagree. I don't hear voices! Then another similar question, "I often hear voices telling me what to do." Or, "I often think about killing myself."


I realize the test itself isn't tailored toward women becoming surrogates, just to test your level of sanity in general, but still. I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy!


Britta said she'd call me if anything 'weird' came up from the test results, but other than that I will not hear from her again. Here's hoping I don't get another call!" 


I never heard anything, guess that proves I am not crazy!