Dating and Surrogacy

Do they mix? Fantastic question.

Now, when I signed up to be a surrogate I never imagined that I would even want to date someone at all during the whole thing. Like I mentioned in one of my first posts, I had been engaged and broken it off at the end of 2010. I wasn't looking for love or anything really.

Let's face it though, eventually... after a certain amount of time being single, it kind of gets lonely. Sure, I had Peyton but cuddling with a then 3-year-old versus cuddling with a man were completely different.

As far as the whole surrogacy arrangement went, I am 100% allowed to date. I remember Sandy and I having a conversation about it once, and her saying "You know you CAN have a boyfriend during all of this. You can even get MARRIED." HA! I thought. The likeliness of me getting married in the approximate year-length surrogate process was a joke. I clearly wasn't ready to get married in 2010, and nothing had really changed since then. Other than my decision to give my entire body up for someone else's happiness. (Small details, right?)

Near the end of May (2011 of course), I met someone. He wasn't at all what I "usually" dated but put a HUGE smile on my face. We met at a work function (we both work for the same company) and totally hit it off. I obviously wasn't pregnant yet, so I didn't have to have that conversation, but I clearly couldn't keep this HUGE thing that was about to happen in my life a secret for very long.

Here's where it gets tough... How on earth do you casually bring this up to someone you are dating? "Um, by the way... I'm gonna be pregnant soon." Not really that simple.

One night when we were hanging out at my house, I FINALLY decided to tell him. I honestly have very small recollection of how I brought it up, but I finally spilled the beans. Of course, he had a lot of questions. Everyone does.

The big questions:
1) "Why?"
2) "A GAY couple?"
3) Which was more of a statement really... "Haven't you thought about how this is affecting YOUR life and prohibiting you from finding 'the one'?"

Number 1 was simple, I have repeated it thousands of times at this point and will continue to. I want to be able to give someone what I have with Peyton. Plain and simple. Question 2 was also simple (for me at least), WHO CARES!?!?!?! Gay, straight, single, married, PURPLE.... I DON'T CARE.

Once question 3 came up, I was beyond pissed. Like, straight up probably red in the face ANGRY. What exactly do you mean this is going to PROHIBIT me from finding love? There is nothing that says I can't find love or date during this whole thing. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

He went on for what felt like hours about how 1) he was raised Catholic and how a family is a man and a woman... all BS I have heard before about the whole "gay" issue. And 2) how he'd rather that I be pregnant with HIS child than carry someone else's and 3) how hard it would be to explain to his parents that the girl he was dating was pregnant with not only someone else's baby but for a gay couple. (Face getting MORE AND MORE red at this point).

I finally gave up and changed the subject, and was pretty much ready to end the whole thing right then and there. (And at this point most of you are thinking, um YES you should have.) But... I was hoping his mind would change. I had just dropped a huge bomb on our pretty new relationship and I could understand how one could be thrown for a loop.

Our relationship lasted maybe a month, though, and I couldn't take it anymore. This whole thing was all I could talk about. My friends, family, co-workers, it was all they heard. After all, it was the biggest part of my life (still is), besides Peyton. Every time I brought it up he would make some snide remark that would piss me off even more. So, no matter how happy he made me (when we weren't talking about me being a surrogate), I knew it wasn't healthy.

Clearly this guy wasn't 'the one' because if he had been, we wouldn't have had an argument about it, he wouldn't have had the beliefs that he did, and he would have been totally comfortable telling his friends and family that the girl he was dating was pregnant and it wasn't his. I still stand by that. It may not be an EASY thing, but the right guy will be happy that I am happy and stand by me in my decisions.

So, to answer the question "Do dating and surrogacy mix?" In this instance, NO. H-E-Double Hockey Sticks... NO. I still have faith that if the right guy comes along and I'm pregnant, it's not going to stop us from being together. If he doesn't come along yet, so be it. I am in no hurry.